Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
