Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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