they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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