In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
