everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Are my feet made of real feet?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
