Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
