we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
