I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
