meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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