i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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