She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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