The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
