i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
