Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
