i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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