i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize