dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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