don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
