ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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