Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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