i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
