Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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