Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize