Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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