I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
