There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize