I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
