it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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