I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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