Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I bet he comes in French.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
