My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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