So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
