The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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