There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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