He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
