Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
