I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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