wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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