You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
