i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize