Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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