We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
