i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
