Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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