I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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