tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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