so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
