I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
