Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
