Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
