We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
