i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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