I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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