is your mom at the bar?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
