I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am full of burrito and curiosity
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
