Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
