I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
