we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
