my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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