Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
handjob tips. give me some.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
