So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Found your dick twin last night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
