oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize