I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
