Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
