Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
