but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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