my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
