After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
