Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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