I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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