Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
