I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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