My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I bet he comes in French.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
