Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize