my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
