cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
did i walk over a car last night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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