I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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