i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
