He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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