I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
