I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
