but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
