Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
