I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
