i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
