dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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