it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
