I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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