just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
