I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you inspire me to be a worse person
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
