i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
