her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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