Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
