Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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