Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
