If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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