I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
