So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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