I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
