Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize