I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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