Swine flu. Run for my life!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
