Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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