I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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