I'm gonna have a badass scar
Your tits are I can't wait for
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
