Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
