Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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