I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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