I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
