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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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