is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
