I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
