I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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