I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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