Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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