There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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