I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
