Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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