Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
